Change.

I knew the moment I found out I was pregnant, life would forever change. I have no idea how much though. I didn't know that at the time I took that pregnancy test, 2 years later I'd be married, move 1,000 miles away from the one place I lived the longest and finally made a home. I had no idea what life had in store for me that moment. I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't do a thing differently. I love my life. I'm thankful for all that I have. For the family Deven & I created together.

There's days though, that cause me to pause for a moment. Flashbacks play in my mind and for a moment, I'm lost in the world that once was...

I miss the old days. Not every day. Not all the time. Sometimes though. I feel like this is the part I'm suppose to justify how much I love and adore my children. How happy I am with life and how much I enjoy being their mother.. I'm not, not today. It's obvious the love I have for my children and husband. This blog is not about that. Not right now, anyways.

I was never a child. My childhood was stolen from me and just when I started to get it back, I was forced to be a third parent to my sister at the rip age of 10. I'm no longer bitter about it. I've moved passed it. My point is, I was never given the change to truly be a kid and I wound up pregnant with Jordyn. It's not a regret. Keeping Jordyn, raising her, being her mother, it'll never be a regret. It's what I was suppose to do. It's what I'm meant to be doing.

I look back and think sometimes though. I wonder how life would have played out for me had I not gotten pregnant and dated Deven. Where I would be. What I would be doing. That's when I stop myself and realize, I don't want to know.  I miss some of those days, before Jordyn. I do. It's not every day. Or even often. I thin I miss the carefreeness of it all. And sleep. I definitely miss sleep. ;)

This isn't how I saw my life going. This isn't a prediction I could have made. I wouldn't change it (how many times can I say that? Ha.) I wouldn't trade it for a few more teen years. I wouldn't go back and not have Jordyn. I've never wished that I could have the same Jordyn, just a few more years later. I love the way it all worked. I loved that I had Jordyn at 17. I do. I'm not ashamed to be a teen parent. As crazy as it's been, it's been beautiful. The moments I have now, with my children and husband are incredible.

Some day. Some day I'll look back on these years and miss them. I try to focus on now, so I don't miss out. When I look back and miss today, I want there to be a better reason than I wish I would of done this differently or been a better parent or wife. I don't want regrets. Just crazy beautiful memories.